They never tell you that you may not want to do it on your honeymoon!

I don’t quite like the term honeymoon. I’m not completely sure why exactly, but I think it’s mostly due to my pattern of not liking to be associated with anything “common” and “popular”. Sounds extremely childish I know, but it’s probably a defense I have created every time I don’t have a perfect answer for something. So ya, I don’t like the term honeymoon, but I’m perfectly fine with the idea of going on a trip with your partner…from my experience, it’s much needed. After I married EM, I felt so disconnected with EM for a week, that this was going to be my chance to hurl a million questions at him in the privacy of a beautiful room in an even more beautiful place in the mountains.

A victim of social conditioning that I was, I had designed my honeymoon a certain way in my head. I probably didn’t even know what I really expected as I was already handed over a set of expectations that I was absolutely supposed to have. No one gave me a list, but I had a mental checklist already. I thought we’d make love non-stop: on the bed, on the floor, in the bathroom, on the balcony…why I even though we’d sneak kisses behind trees.  Little did I know that reality would be far from it. Our honeymoon period was probably when we had very little sex…that too because I insisted we owed it to our honeymoon and the stunningly beautiful place we went to. In fact, on one of the days we had no sex at all…aaaaahh shocking,no? But we were so tired after our marriage, which was although a very simple and no fuss registration, the 2 receptions that followed had made us quite tired and irritable. And we just wanted to eat and sleep.

So what went wrong??…frankly nothing apart from the fact that I didn’t go there as an explorer without any anticipation but a sheer lust for experience. Our honeymoon was nothing like I was made to believe through reels of films and reams of women’s magazines. We still had a lot of fun. We stuffed our face with delicious preparations, smoked non-stop, started drinking even before lunch, swam while it was raining like crazy and then had the we-absolutely-have-to do-it sex. But honestly, neither of us would have missed anything if we hadn’t. People say you change after marriage, I kept insisting that I wouldn’t…but hell yes. My attitude towards sex completely changed. We thought the likelihood of coming to this wonderful place again anytime soon was a lot less than the likelihood/ surety of having sex many times over. And that was a shocking revelation for me. I who would be up for it anytime, all the time! I think it had a lot to do with the theory of diminishing marginal utility, in anticipation of an unlimited supply of sex whenever. Earlier we’d be up for it all the time because there were so many factors that determined whether we’d get laid: we stayed 500 kilometers apart; our holidays would hardly match; when they would, we’d still have to decide dates according to my cycle; even then we’d meet only 2 days tops. So when we did get 2 days together, we’d make the most of it.  I’m not complaining; these arrangements had a charm of their own and were a sure way to be idiotically ecstatic and very grateful whenever we did get to do it.

But since marriage, there is no longer this urgency. We have become very zen about it. It’s like a man who doesn’t have to worry about buying things when they are on sale because he has enough money to buy them only when he needs them, irrespective of the price tag. And this zen calm showed even during our honeymoon and made me go bonkers because you know…they never told me that I might simply not want to do it then. I could always do it later. I’m just saying.

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2 comments

  1. “It’s like a man who doesn’t have to worry about buying things when they are on sale because he has enough money to buy them only when he needs them, irrespective of the price tag.”

    “the theory of diminishing marginal utility, in anticipation of an unlimited supply of sex whenever.”

    Priceless. Hilarious.

    Like

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