You don’t want kids?? But why? I’ll help you take care of them!

Yeah right! Because all my problems will be solved because “you” would baby-sit my kid sometime. What an encouragement! I am convinced that I should stop typing and go have unprotected sex right now!!

Now see, people give me really strange looks when they come to know that I never want kids. They even sympathise with this good soul who according to them has taken a wrong road. They ask me why I don’t want kids, knowing very well that no explanation is going to be good enough for them. They try to tell me how I’d be missing out on the most beautiful thing in the world: the power of creation. They try to cajole me by saying that they’re sure I’d be a brilliant mother. They try to tell me that I’ll feel differently 3-4 years down the line. They then paint pictures of how cute my kid would be [now that is true ;)]. My mum says that she would totally take care of my child and that every couple should have one child.

When I talk about someone’s babies, they say, “See! you like children.” When did I ever say I didn’t? But that’s not reason enough to have one of your own full-time. And this is just wrong comparison based on convenient, flawed logic. I would take very good care of a kid if someone asked me to babysit. But that’s it…I would do it well only because I know it’s only temporary. And I don’t understand why anyone should give birth just to fulfill other people’s wishes? Doesn’t this seem odd to their well-developed maternal instinct (unlike mine which is “still struggling” to bloom, you know because I am immature and childish!)…to give birth to a human being not because you wanted one; but because other people thought you needed one.

I feel very bad when even people whom I regard as highly logical and practical judge me. Or try to talk to me out of my “dont-want-kids”bug. Why is it difficult to understand? Do we ever ask people why they WANTΒ  kids? And how many people give answers apart from: they’re cute, they support you in your old age, they give a purpose to life and such other ghise pite jawaab! Then why is so much attention paid to people who feel otherwise.

People who say they don’t want to have kids don’t necessarily do this because they hate kids, or they think they’re incapable of loving kids. So quit saying things like, “You will obviously love your kid.” That is totally beside the point. The point here is having/not having kids is simply a matter of choice. And not having kids is not a big deal just like having them isn’t (and I am not talking about the physical pain aspect here).

I know exactly what I want to do with my life. I am always going to want to have a relaxed life where if I want to go camping now, I can go camping now without thinking of a zillion other things. I want to spend all the money I earn on travelling. I don’t want any more responsibilities than what I already have. I don’t want to think about schooling, homework, child safety, vaccination, baby sitters etc. When I say this, my mother says that you can do all of these things once the baby is 3 years old. WRONG! This is just misleading people into making what might turn out to be the biggest mistake of their lives. Babies are precious, just like any life is. And the decision to have them should come naturally, from the bottom of your heart, with the willingness to compromise and give up on a lot of things. A LOT OF THEM.

The reasoning that, “Everybody has children and they still travel” is just wrong. The very assumption that I should be able to do it and should want to do it, because others do is simply not good enough. Nor is the emotional question ,” You wouldn’t be here if we had thought the same way”. Most people who have children, apart from the ones who have them because they succumb to social pressure, love kids. They cannot imagine a life without them much as I cannot imagine my life with them. It’s as simple as that. And the decision, whether it’s to have or not have kids should be treated just like any basic choice. What do you think?

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8 comments

  1. A-FUCKING-MEN!! I want to re-blog this because it pretty much says what I want. I have just spent 5 days back home, explaining to everybody and their granny, why I want to keep my life child-free for as long as I wish..
    This whole baby-questioning is SO tiring!

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    1. Tell me about it!! And the worst part of it is when girls younger than me say things like, “I’ll take care of a kid for you”. First thing, who does that? Second thing, why?

      And if I ever confess to these people that I want to add a labrador to our family of two…God spare me!

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      1. Hahaha ditto ditto! I firmly tell people now that we plan to adopt a puppster. Either that or i tell them the only things baking in my oven are cakes at the moment.

        And did you say youve been married 7 months? We’ve been married for more than 5 yrs. Nothing changes. We have gone full circle. Immediately after you are married everybody thinks its their moral right to give you free gyaan on reproduction. Then when you dont give them the “good news” they resort to mild jibes and stilted jokes and references, for a few years. I thought that would be the end of it. But apparently once you cross the 5 yr mark they come back with a vengeance. Because you are officially “wasting time” and have “already delayed production” too much. I am yet to come up with a way to deal with this development. This trip bak home, everybody (and i mean every single person) i met, barring my parents my sister and a friend, asked me what my uterus was up to. *facepalm*

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      2. Hahaha. I know! I will want to have a kid when I don’t need anyone to take care of her for me.

        I would want it from the core of my heart. I would want to give up everything for her. I wouldn’t need anyone to help me with the ‘trouble’. Hell! i would never see my child as trouble! When having a child, and raising her is all I look forward to. That day I will have a kid!! And I swear, Its not like I am sitting here praying that that day never comes! I hope it does. Its just that today is not that day!

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      3. I know! I like how you keep referring to your future/imaginary child as “her” πŸ™‚

        It’s frustrating when people look at your decision to not have kids as an immature thought put out there without much background thinking. What irritates me even further is I NEVER tell others to have or not have kids. But people lack a sense of personal space anyway, hain na?

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  2. Ha ha ha…”the only things baking in my oven are cakes at the moment”- HILARIOUS!!!!

    Ooooooo… You guys crossed your five year mark. You are officially in the danger zone now. We Indians have no sense of space isn’t it? All the random aunties and grandmas can catch you off-guard just about anywhere and start inquiring about the state of your uterus. The funny thing though, nobody seems to ask this to the husband people. I mean it takes two to make one baby, right?

    One funny incident: When I went home in November, we went to my husband’s village to see their fields (my inspiration) and meet some people (torture). So one of his aunts says to us that next time three of you should visit. I said yeah sure, because I thought SHE WANTED ME TO VISIT WITH MY LITTLE SISTER πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ Beat that!! And later my MIL started laughing and explained what she meant. It hadn’t even struck me by then that a woman I was meeting for the first time could actually say something like that. πŸ˜›

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