I just got out of a major period scare, and the relief is so great that it inspired me to write a blog post after a gap of more than a year.
So here’s what happened. The last week of May is fairly eventful for us. Starting with my birthday an then our marriage anniversary a week later. Since my birthday fell on week day this year, I didn’t have much planned, but I did plan a beautiful weekend getaway for us the following week.
Unfortunately, my period was delayed by three days on the day of my birthday. Now, this is no biggie for a normal person. But for a hopelessly paranoid person, coupled with a hypochondria that won’t quit, it translates to frequent trips to the loo and detailed investigation and reading for probable signs of an oncoming period. Also, it doesn’t help that you’re period is super regular, so 3 days delay is already something out of ordinary. Couple that with backtracking your sexual activity and realizing that it happened during your most fertile period. Add to that endless google research on contraception failure. It didn’t help that people said that this was the sign of turning 30, neither did the personal stories of how women saw a positive result on the pregnancy test after 3-4 negative ones. With this background, I decided to put my birthday celebration off until the weekend getaway.
Unfortunately, the day we left for Wayanad, it still hadn’t showed up, and it was delayed by 7 days by then. Even 4 pregnancy tests with negative readings weren’t enough to calm my nerves though. So in my classic style, I decided to read up about options for termination in case of the odd chance that I might be pregnant. For those uninitiated on this blog, the husband and I have made the decision to remain childfree. Anyway, somehow, I had this strong suspicion that it would be super difficult to find a gynecologist who basically did their job without judging you or giving you any unsolicited, “moral” advice. So I found the Ladies Finger’s crowd sourced list of good doctors, but I still didn’t get all the information I needed. I was also indulging in a lot of self-torture my reading up what all might be wrong with you if your period is delayed. Turns out, it can be connected to the most basic, silly even, reasons as well as to the really scary one like adrenal cancer. Being a hypochondriac, my mind started going into a downward spiral of all that could be wrong with me. May I add that all the breathtaking beauty of Wayanad was lost on me because of what I kept imagining? I even took a pregnancy test with me and took it in the middle of the night because I couldn’t sleep. That was the fifth negative test by the way, taken on the 8th day of my missed period. I kept getting a lot of pre-period symptoms like heavy and painful breasts, bloated tummy, and all such pleasing sensations. But I was unfortunate to come across an article which listed these same symptoms as applicable for a positive pregnancy as well. You get the drift.
Next, I have borderline hypothyroidism, but my doctor put me off meds since August as I didn’t have any symptoms. I parallel also started wondering if some spike in thyroid was causing this. Which added to my depression, because apart from being a hypochondriac, I am also extremely skeptical of taking any medicine, especially anything that requires a lifetime of dependence on it. On some level I also secretly started hoping that I would be pregnant to rule out thyroid. At one point, the husband was super confused about what my main concern was, so I broke it down for him as follows, which essentially was a bunch of “what if’s”: 1. What if I am pregnant and I need to terminate it? | 2. Termination would require taking hormonal pills, which I am extremely skeptical of taking, what would the side effects be? 3. If at all I was pregnant, would I find a doc who would prescribe the pill without being judgmental and giving free advice that I wouldn’t pay for? | 4. Would I have to take some time off work when I don’t have many leaves remaining? | 5. If not pregnant, what else could it be? What sort of imbalance could have caused it? | 6. Do I need to get my thyroid reevaluated? | 7. Would this be a recurring thing or a one off instance? | 7. Was I sky rocketing into hormonal imbalance as soon as I turned 30? | 8. What if I never get my period again? (yes, stupid, but every time I have even the slightest of problem, I tend to imagine that it would be permanent…There was a time when I didn’t feel very sexual and I believed to a depressing degree that I had lost my libido permanently) | 9. What if the pregnancy test is repeatedly false negative? | 10. What if no doctor is willing to prescribe MTP?
I could go on endlessly, but you get the drift. I did briefly feel sorry for the husband to have to deal with the nut job that he was tied to for the rest of our lives (hopefully). But then, what I lack in rationale and sense, I more than make up for it with my self-deprecating humor and spot-on mimicry. Ask the husband. I sang an uncanny version of Dhinchak Pooja’s ,”Selfie maine leli aaj” for him. So we’re good. We returned from the anniversary weekend on Monday and I went out AGAIN to get another pregnancy test from a different brand. I decided to not take it right away and wait till the 10th day to check. By some miracle, I actually forgot to take the test. But I still didn’t have my period. Finally, I fixed an appointment with the doctor on Thursday, which would be the 12th day of the missed period. I even considered taking the day off to wallow in grief case the doctor asked me to take a blood test to rule our pregnancy all together. I am extremely scared of blood work. The plan had another test factored in just a day before the doctor’s visit was due. But somehow, as soon as I woke up, I had to pee really badly and couldn’t really wait to get the test with me inside the loo. So I just let it go and decided to take it on the morning of the doctor’s appointment, which was today. Thankfully, I got my period yesterday. A good 11 days after the due late. I have never been so excited to bleed, and can’t thank my body enough for sparing me another day of the vicious cycle of thinking, over-analyzing and irritating the shit out of all the loved ones that care to listen.
That’s that about the period drama. So, how have you been?