The Period Drama

I just got out of a major period scare, and the relief is so great that it inspired me to write a blog post after a gap of more than a year.

So here’s what happened. The last week of May is fairly eventful for us. Starting with my birthday an then our marriage anniversary a week later. Since my birthday fell on week day this year, I didn’t have much planned, but I did plan a beautiful weekend getaway for us the following week.

 

Unfortunately, my period was delayed by three days on the day of my birthday. Now, this is no biggie for a normal person. But for a hopelessly paranoid person, coupled with a hypochondria that won’t quit, it translates to frequent trips to the loo and detailed investigation and reading for probable signs of an oncoming period. Also, it doesn’t help that you’re period is super regular, so 3 days delay is already something out of ordinary. Couple that with backtracking your sexual activity and realizing that it happened during your most fertile period. Add to that endless google research on contraception failure. It didn’t help that people said that this was the sign of turning 30, neither did the personal stories of how women saw a positive result on the pregnancy test after 3-4 negative ones. With this background, I decided to put my birthday celebration off until the weekend getaway.

Unfortunately, the day we left for Wayanad, it still hadn’t showed up, and it was delayed by 7 days by then. Even 4 pregnancy tests with negative readings weren’t enough to calm my nerves though. So in my classic style, I decided to read up about options for termination in case of the odd chance that I might be pregnant. For those uninitiated on this blog, the husband and I have made the decision to remain childfree. Anyway, somehow, I had this strong suspicion that it would be super difficult to find a gynecologist who basically did their job without judging you or giving you any unsolicited, “moral” advice. So I found the Ladies Finger’s crowd sourced list of good doctors, but I still didn’t get all the information I needed. I was also indulging in a lot of self-torture my reading up what all might be wrong with you if your period is delayed. Turns out, it can be connected to the most basic, silly even, reasons as well as to the really scary one like adrenal cancer. Being a hypochondriac, my mind started going into a downward spiral of all that could be wrong with me. May I add that all the breathtaking beauty of Wayanad was lost on me because of what I kept imagining? I even took a pregnancy test with me and took it in the middle of the night because I couldn’t sleep. That was the fifth negative test by the way, taken on the 8th day of my missed period. I kept getting a lot of pre-period symptoms like heavy and painful breasts, bloated tummy, and all such pleasing sensations. But I was unfortunate to come across an article which listed these same symptoms as applicable for a positive pregnancy as well. You get the drift.

Next, I have borderline hypothyroidism, but my doctor put me off meds since August as I didn’t have any symptoms. I parallel also started wondering if some spike in thyroid was causing this. Which added to my depression, because apart from being a hypochondriac, I am also extremely skeptical of taking any medicine, especially anything that requires a lifetime of dependence on it. On some level I also secretly started hoping that I would be pregnant to rule out thyroid. At one point, the husband was super confused about what my main concern was, so I broke it down for him as follows, which essentially was a bunch of “what if’s”: 1. What if I am pregnant and I need to terminate it? | 2. Termination would require taking hormonal pills, which I am extremely skeptical of taking, what would the side effects be? 3. If at all I was pregnant, would I find a doc who would prescribe the pill without being judgmental and giving free advice that I wouldn’t pay for? | 4. Would I have to take some time off work when I don’t have many leaves remaining? | 5. If not pregnant, what else could it be? What sort of imbalance could have caused it? | 6. Do I need to get my thyroid reevaluated? | 7. Would this be a recurring thing or a one off instance? | 7. Was I sky rocketing into hormonal imbalance as soon as I turned 30? | 8. What if I never get my period again?  (yes, stupid, but every time I have even the slightest of problem, I tend to imagine that it would be permanent…There was a time when I didn’t feel very sexual and I believed to a depressing degree that I had lost my libido permanently) | 9. What if the pregnancy test is repeatedly false negative? | 10. What if no doctor is willing to prescribe MTP?

 

I could go on endlessly, but you get the drift. I did briefly feel sorry for the husband to have to deal with the nut job that he was tied to for the rest of our lives (hopefully). But then, what I lack in rationale and sense, I more than make up for it with my self-deprecating humor and spot-on mimicry. Ask the husband. I sang an uncanny version of Dhinchak Pooja’s ,”Selfie maine leli aaj” for him. So we’re good. We returned from the anniversary weekend on Monday and I went out AGAIN to get another pregnancy test from a different brand. I decided to not take it right away and wait till the 10th day to check. By some miracle, I actually forgot to take the test. But I still didn’t have my period. Finally, I fixed an appointment with the doctor on Thursday, which would be the 12th day of the missed period. I even considered taking the day off to wallow in grief case the doctor asked me to take a blood test to rule our pregnancy all together. I am extremely scared of blood work. The plan had another test factored in just a day before the doctor’s visit was due. But somehow, as soon as I woke up, I had to pee really badly and couldn’t really wait to get the test with me inside the loo. So I just let it go and decided to take it on the morning of the doctor’s appointment, which was today. Thankfully, I got my period yesterday. A good 11 days after the due late. I have never been so excited to bleed, and can’t thank my body enough for sparing me another day of the vicious cycle of thinking, over-analyzing and irritating the shit out of all the loved ones that care to listen.

That’s that about the period drama. So, how have you been?

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14 comments

  1. All’s well that ends well. Take care.
    (Not on WP anymore, but I still read the rare stuff that comes into my inbox.. and seldom/never comment.. but good to hear from you.. hope you are well. Stop being paranoid, though. However, just as a followup, do a TsH + blood chemistry panel just to rule out anything else… could be thyroid as you suspect.. anyway, bye for now and take care..).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey there! So nice to hear from you again!! I did do a routine thyroid test only last month and do have hypothyroidism but I stopped medicine as per my doc’s advice. Probably need to get it reevaluated.

      Did you stop writing altogether or just on WP? Hope to read your stuff again, if the inspiration strikes you. 🙂

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      1. Hi, good to hear from you too.
        Yeah, ‘altogether’ I am afraid. People do not like what I write 🙂 Moreover, almost a cripple now with the spine thing worsening. Even my right hand has turned almost completely useless now.

        But, excuses, excuses.I used to mail a few friends from time to time, a few articles for private reading and some stories. I guess I am not very interesting anymore and so I stopped completely. Like I said, I still read stuff, from a few people I still subscribe to, but mostly silent viewing and refraining from comments.

        (Maybe it was some kind of manic-depressive thing for me too, if I were completely honest… gung-ho at times, totally pessimistic at times and completely insane at others.. What do they call it in new-age lingo I don’t know… uni, bi, tri or multi-polar?? I could easily say it was my medications, or the alcohol.. but no, the sad truth is, it is probably the way I always was.. well, easier to remain aloof, silent and out-of-sight than ruffle the feathers of the good birds whom I really do admire or like.. and those whom I offended because of my mindless rants at times may not see that as justification at all. Haha. That happens to be the main reason I guess).

        You could still mail me, but at your own peril 🙂 After all, there is no cure for my kind of disease.. physical and mental… 🙂 I did write a few stories, and a few kids’ stories for my daughter and even wrote a screenplay for a home movie with a bunch of kids which is not shot yet..

        Bloody depressing to be so useless and I just might rub people the wrong way with my rants when I get completely frustrated.. no fun to be a cripple… except for the advantage of using it as an excuse for all my other foibles..

        Ok, enough of this “Farrago” hehe.. Good to hear from you. I wish you’d write more often. It is an insane world these days, but all the more reason for the good people in the world to speak sense.. I hope you do.

        Take care… Warm regards from Tejaswi

        PS: Now stop listening to the million do-gooders who will tell you to see a homeopath/ayurvedic expert/tantric/ holy man/ home remedies specialists and wise-bird housewives with “tons of experience” in suggesting miracle cures for whatever ails you. Believe me, I have stopped talking to people these days in the real world too. Apparently there is a Tantric in KR Puram in Bangalore who helps people like me.. and believe me, I almost got cured just listening to that bullshit.. .wanted to physically throw the fellow out of my house.. which would have been as good as a cure.. haha… Nah, take it easy.. these things happen at times.. stress/hormones/even diet at times/ medications.. tons of reasons.. don’t jump to the worst conclusions.. is all.. (Sigh** even my PS reads like a whole new, long letter)…. Bye…

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      2. That is intense. I never asked how this happened to you.

        I think people generally don’t like anything that makes them feel uncomfortable about their own beliefs and prefer not to question the status quo. That’s something I observe all the time. I have very strong opinions on certain things and when I start expressing them, people ask me to lighten up. As if the way of having a conversation is to ask each other some stupid stuff, have tea/coffee/alcohol whatever and then go home and continue with your own life. And when there’s no argument, the best way to shut someone up is bring up how some older people are getting offended. But I also strongly agree with what you say about choosing to remain aloof and silent. I have started seeing value in that because I am a very selfish person. And I care more about my peace of mind and sanity than changing someone’s stupid opinion. So I just prefer not to engage with most people beyond, “Hey! What’s up? All good? Okay bye!! Let’s catch up sometime.”

        I don’t know your situation and it might sound very naive when I am totally clueless about what you are going through. But why do you feel useless? And why must everyone be of “use”? You write so well. And you wrote stories for your daughter! That’s like the greatest gift anyone can create for their child.

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      3. Your PS is so funny. And trust me, before anyone comes to me with some hogwash advice, it’s very likely that I start doing a detailed research for alternative medicine on my own. Sometimes I feel I should have taken science and gone into nutrition curing illnesses through nutrition. I just love the topic so much. But not sure of just nutrition is enough to cure anything, not with how fucked up our world is right now, anyway. But I do hope that there are natural ways to cure some basic stuff anyway. You are so right about the miracle housewives by the way. I read up articles on natural cures all the time and so many people have claimed that they could reverse some permanent conditions. So I actually reached out to some people an asked about their before and after blood work readings. No one responded unfortunately.

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      4. Well, useless is right.. Not that I am moping around, but it is frustrating. I used to do a million things before, be a million things. My friends used to say there is nothing KT cannot do. And it used to be true. 24 hours a day were never enough for me. I used to hate sleep. Nowadays, when things get bad, I have to be in bed for days. Which is kind of like a little death to me (er, not the petit morte that would suggest.. quite the contrary). Not been working for the last four years now. Makes for a very unhappy situation at home.But yeah, the mind still works at times, so I can be the crafty tactician/strategist to help my wife out with her workplace intrigues/woes, teach little kids stuff – the few who still are in touch, lots of science and math teachings and general stuff.
        Stories, yeah, but not very good ones. The last few stories were dark and menacing and it spooked almost all of my readers. The last one people read was about a little girl and it was so dark that it caused revulsion among the people… never mind that it was half based on what happened to a kid in my daughter’s school. They all said with disgust that such things don’t happen and if it does no one should make stories like that etc etc.

        About science.. overrated, glad you did not take it up. Though I get the feeling that you may have excelled in it. I keep telling people that too – take up a better diet and cure yourself of most ailments these days – especially if they are lifestyle related. Try to eat as much raw stuff as possible – fruits, a few veggies.. (And if they eat raw flesh, well, it is up to them hehe).. and most of all, chew on the tender leaves that you get.. guava, mango, neem, kokum (the best ones are the tender lemon yellow tender ones)… do not get paranoid about water and boil it to death.. drink and raise your immunity.. My own kid drinks well water that is not boiled..

        Yeah, I tell all that and yet I am irritated when people talk about all this stuff like it is some miracle cure. Nuts are good for you (but don’t ask my wife, she has LIVED with one) and berries too.
        But all that is easy for me to say, for most of you city dwellers this might seem exotic. A fish diet seems to prevent most diseases.. even cancer and heart diseases. I even try out different stuff for hair and skin… just last week when I had my friend’s kids over I mixed some stuff for their hair, including my wife and daughter. Coconut milk, aloe vera, almond oil and some corn flour for consistency.. turned out well.
        However, even though Gnothi Seauton and all that.. I still cannot cure myself.. I always had this bizarre belief that it is all in the mind.. that I can cure myself just by wishing it. Maybe then it is my mind that is failing to overcome the body’s frailties. I never ever take medications, unless absolutely necessary. Not for fevers, colds, headaches, pain, aches – never. But then I have a high threshold for pain and what would cripple most people would probably not seem like much to me. Which was, in reality, what worsened my condition. I had been told many years ago that my manic work conditions and lifestyle would kill me early.. and even when the symptoms developed eight years ago, I laughed it off and kept to that punishing schedule of working for nearly 12-16 hours a day every single day (various things.. mostly VFX, scientific simulations, video post production stuff, or something challenging to do with the visual field, just about anything.. programming, coding, designing, building, construction, arch, modeling.. anything..). Sigh, no wonder I feel useless now.. just thinking about it makes me feel so empty. But, I cannot stop myself from dreaming up new things to do, new ventures or ideas, new stories, new inventions or research stuff and then I just burst into tears when I see I cannot possibly do it all. Let us see, while there is still life I cannot just stay still. Let us hope I can get over this bit of nonsense. The body may be weak, but my mind is still raging.. and I do not go gentle into that good night hahaha.. never…

        Yeah, meanwhile, that is it.. “Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to-day, to the last syllable of recorded Time.. and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death” etc etc..

        Sorry about these lengthy nonsensical stream of conscious thoughts… the first time I am writing so much online in more than a year I guess.. thanks for writing.. I really enjoyed it. Kindred souls almost.. you take care.. and have a good life.. Bye for now..

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      5. Wow! I loved all your descriptions of the tender leaves, and natural remedies and the almost delicious seeming (without the aloe vera) hair potion. Since you also seem to be so much into raw, whole foods etc., I am sure you’ve watched the documentary Food Choices already. If not, do, if you get a chance. I seem to be almost forcing people to watch it these days. I really loved it. It goes a bit overboard with the pro-vegan agenda, basically turning non-veg people off it even before they make an attempt to watch it, but if you already believe in a simple, wholesome diet, then you’d pretty much nod all along. I did turn vegetarian after watching it. I had considered going veg for quite some time anyway, heck, was even one until I was 17.

        It’s sad about people being repulsed by the dark story. My point is, if you don’t like it, let it go. There is no reason to claim that such things or bad things don’t happen. More bad things happen than good ones.

        A 16 day schedule sounds manic to me. I barely make it through 9 hours. Of course,that’s just office work. If random internet surfing counts, then I am in a bad posture for a good 12 hours a day, which is far from ideal or desirable.

        The husband believes that one should be able to just be and relax without feeling the need to fill every single hour of the day with productivity. I find it hard. I have to do something else even while watching TV. But that’s a very bad habit. The mind just never gets to stop then and there’s a chain of one thought blending into the next, and the next, and the next.

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      6. Use ktejaswi@yahoo.co.uk and I will send you my other mail I use regularly.. on the other hand, you can see my mail ID if you go to the wordpress admin page and check my comments there.

        Differently wired brains, cannot rest. Your husband is absolutely right, but I just cannot remain still. Just differently wired, like I said, I suppose. It is not always about productivity either. Sometimes it is just an idea for a story or for a video or when I am really pissed with the public utilities and I want to create something of an alternative. (Oh, believe me, I spent nearly nine years running after a different engine design to make a generator for myself. It got into a big thing, with me yelling at professors from NSRCEL of IIM B and telling them to get lost in the end along with a few useless ex-students of theirs who were my close friends at the time. Wasted nine years, even though it was a great idea).

        You know what is fun, though? Muting movies and creating my own dialogues. We don’t have a tv, but when we used to have it I used to laugh myself to sleep doing this with horrible movies – the ones from Telugu and Tamil dubbed in Hindi.. horrible horrible movies, but mute it and imagine what they are saying.. then utter it aloud, there is nothing more insanely funnier.. hahaha.. Yeah, I know, I know.. all the signs of a deranged mind.. When in college it was even more fun with a lot of my friends and team-mates doing this all the while.. Whose line is it anyway.. sort of.. Yeah, you are right, the mind never stops and it shouldn’t.. In my case though it happens to be a terrible thing.. I’d be researching one thing and then reading up on some topic peripheral to it, get drawn to the other one.. so much so that I never quite know how I ended up reading about marsupials or about even horizons or about mythology.. any word, sentence, phrase, event could be a trigger and then I am off.. the Don Quixote of the research world.. haha..
        Yeah, it would be great to hear from you.. write to me when you are free…

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  2. I went through this last month! I always have my period on Friday or Saturday and I am cool with that because I can relax at home and not be angry at the world outside. But nothing happened until Sunday night. I was upset on Monday because paranoia was taking over and so had started thinking about EVERYTHING. Specially baby Jesus. Lol. I decided to go to Sprouts in the evening to buy Papaya and as soon as I stepped into the store, photo finish. I went straight into the restroom and walked out with the happiest face ever. And then was crying within the hour because PMS.

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